Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Top 10 things to do with a manuscript that doesn’t sell:

1. Use it as a stool in kitchen to reach the cabinets. What else do you do with your 1000 page epic about a vampire that couldn’t get into Harvard, so he became a used car salesman and a flamingo dancer? I mean, it took ten ink cartridges to print it! Make haste, not waste.

2. Recycle, Recycle, Recycle! Make into cat litter, a dog bed, stuff some pillows for the couch, or make a sock monkey. It’s all about going green these days!

3. Take it to Kinko’s and have it bound yourself. Wrap it up and give it to everyone you know for Christmas. Nothing like a personalized gift! Just think of all the money you’ll save.

4. Perhaps you could even try to sell it outside of Barnes and Noble. Be sure to ask first! Also, including lemonade with the purchase might be a great idea! Free lemonade with the purchase of one Kinko’s bound manuscript of vampire epic! Sounds like a deal!

5. Wallpaper a room in your house. What an idea! Always think outside the box!

6. Use it to elevate your computer monitor. I don’t know about you, but it annoys me when I have to look down at my monitor. It can’t be ergonomic!

7. Wrap it up in tin foil and use it as an exercise weight! Work those triceps and biceps! You can always use it for step aerobics too. Nothing like buns of steel to make you feel better about things!

8. Make 1000 paper airplanes. Go for the Guinness Book of World Records!

9. Make 1000 paper fans. Sell those with the lemonade!

10. Put in a Tupperware container and float it out to sea… hoping that someone will find it years from now and make you famous! Anything can happen.

When life gives you lemons….


Lisa and Laura said...

And here I was thinking of just recycling the darn thing. I mean, it IS Earth day.

Of course now that I've seen these ideas I might have to rethink that plan...

WindyA said...

But this is recycling. Sort of. It's part of the 3 R's .... Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Let's think outside the box (as stated in #5). ;-)

The Screaming Guppy said...

I think you can use it for a weapon in case of a zombie attack. Or as a plate for cheesecake.


Litgirl01 said...

Lisa and Laura- LOL!!

Windy - see what happens when I am bored! LOL

Guppy - I'm currently writing a novel about romantic zombies who eat cheesecake and drink wine. It's called Romancing the Zombies! You'll love it! :-D Good ideas though!!!! LOL

Scott said...

You mean there's actually a use for all those manuscripts on the top shelf of my closet? Who knew?

Thanks for the post. It made me laugh and smile.

Marybeth said...

I am ALL about the wall paper! I feel much better now, knowing that my MS will always have a use, even if it gets rejected!

Can you send me a glass of lemonade now?

Litgirl01 said...

Scott- Way to look on the bright side! LOL

Marybeth - I'll even put a shot of something in it! ;-)

I saw a movie the other day where this guy was a writer, and he met this girl who said she would read his manuscript. The movie is called SIDEWAYS (I think). He handed her two big boxes containing his manuscript. Made me snort!!! LOL

Lady Glamis said...

LOL! Love it. I knew I shouldn't have bought that new shredder...

Litgirl01 said...

LG- Shredder is good! You can make the stuffing for new couch pillows!!

KLo said...

Ah, something to replace those infernal packing peanuts at last. Way to look on the bright side : )

Cindy said...

Lol, I knew there was a reason I was keeping all those old manuscripts around!

Anita said...

I looove Sparks' Writers Corner...I wish he'd update it more, though...what else does he have to do with his time?!

And your list of what to do with an unsold manny? Funny!

T. Anne said...

I couldn't wallpaper the walls with them, it'd drive me into editing hell.

Martin Willoughby said...

Ten more you may have missed...

11. Shred every piece of paper and use it as roof insulation.

12. Cut up the pages and use them as cheap jigsaws for the kids.

13. Offer it to a local school for their literacy lessons.

14. Build a child-sized armchair

15. Save on toilet roll - us it in the bathroom for entertainment and relief.

16. Use the pages for tissues and wipe the tears from your eyes after it's been rejected by the last agent on your list.

17. Start a bonfire. By adding to global warming you'll force publishers to only accept electronic MS.

18. Compact it into bricks and build a small bookshelf to house the works of authors who have been published.

19. Use the reverse side of the pages for letters to people you don't like very much

20. Keep it for five years then send it out to the same agents again...the market might have changed.

Litgirl01 said...

KLo - Perfect!!! :-)

Cindy - I'm just trying to help! LOL

Anita - I thought his writing corner was quite helpful too. It helps to know that even successful writers had to deal with rejection too! :-)

T. Anne - that reminds me of The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman? That's what it would be like...it would make us go mad!! LOL

Martin - too funny!!! LOL I was hoping that someone would add something.

Matt said...

Instead of sending it out to sea in a tupperware container, you could serialize the novel and just send 1 page at a time out in a bottle! Whoever finds one of them will be dying to know what happens next!

Or invite some friends over, roll the pages up, pretend they're lightsabers and reenact the Jedi battles from the Star Wars prequels.

Litgirl01 said...

Matt- I am SOOO doing the lightsaber thing! Perhaps some flourescent markers will do the trick! ;-)

Rebecca Anne said...

OMG~ I loved the one about setting up a stand outside Barnes and Noble. Book for sale! Thats classic.

Thanks for the smile today,

Litgirl01 said...

Rebecca - I wonder how people would react. LOL!

Kate Karyus Quinn said...

Is it a sign of my lack of greenness that the one about putting it in tupperware and sending it out to the sea is the one that appeals to me the most?

Hope I'm alone in choosing that one, because that could potentially be a lot of novels bobbing around out there in the sea.

Litgirl01 said...

Kate I almost spit my water out when I read your response. It made me laugh out loud! That would be a lot of novels wouldn't it? Man oh man! Just picture it!